God bless the cultural disarray. The badlands between a tanking approval rating and the next election.
In the brutal spaces where no higher power rests its hands on the puppet strings
Of good favor and capitalistic progress.
Where all men’s favor rest on himself, and the ingenuity and the intelligence.
Where luck is the residue of design, where the papers of the universities are scrap
For the ticker tape parade their play at the funeral of parlor room acceptance.
I must scrap all I have know of my paths, the map is to an old world that can no longer be traveled if one seeks to achieve their destinations. The soft cushion of another mans work will no longer climb the ladder for you. It has grown pale and soft, and its voice no falls on deaf and absent ears.
Ignore and deny this ladder, and by your own methods rebuild your own, one in which there is no climb, but by which all others can achieve greatness. Allow them to ascend to the heights you always knew you were at. Let be be the end of seems. Old money sleeps easy if the laurels are kept safe in the vaults of good measure and conventional wisdom.
And the razor may be rusty and my face brittle from the cold but I will shave this tree to the bow that splits the water, I will careen through the murk and feel the wind in my sails, by my own admission I will conquer the seas, I will find a new path and discover new land.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
Awareness
I'm in love with "TV on the Radio" and I found this gem tonight. The song is not for the meak, but the lyrics are something I think everyone should like a great deal. The lyrics get really good about mid song. I'm not really sure whats going on prior to that. I'll denote that with a star.
"I Was A Lover"
I was a lover, before this war
held up in a luxury suite, behind a barricaded door
now that I've cleaned up, gone legit
I can see clearly: round hole
round whole, square peg don't fit
I'm locked in my bedroom, so send back the clowns
my clone wears a brown shirt, and I seduce him when there's no one around
mano y mano, on a bed of nails
bring it on like a storm, till I knock the wind out of his sails
*And we don't make eye contact, when we have run-in's in town
just a barely polite nod, and nervous stares towards the ground
I once joined a priest class, plastic, inert
in a slowdance with commerce
like a lens up a skirt
And we liked to party
and we kept it live
and we had a three volume tome of contemporary slang
to keep a handle on all this jive
Ennui unbridled, let's talk to kill the time
how many styles did you cycle through before you were mine?
and it's been a while since we went wild and that's all fine
but we're sleepwalking through this trial
and it's really a crime it's really a crime it's really a crime
it's really criminal
We're just busy tempting, like fate's on the nod
running on empty, bourbon and god
it's been a while since we knew the way
and it's been even longer since our plastic priest class
had a goddamned thing to say
I was a lover before this war
"I Was A Lover"
I was a lover, before this war
held up in a luxury suite, behind a barricaded door
now that I've cleaned up, gone legit
I can see clearly: round hole
round whole, square peg don't fit
I'm locked in my bedroom, so send back the clowns
my clone wears a brown shirt, and I seduce him when there's no one around
mano y mano, on a bed of nails
bring it on like a storm, till I knock the wind out of his sails
*And we don't make eye contact, when we have run-in's in town
just a barely polite nod, and nervous stares towards the ground
I once joined a priest class, plastic, inert
in a slowdance with commerce
like a lens up a skirt
And we liked to party
and we kept it live
and we had a three volume tome of contemporary slang
to keep a handle on all this jive
Ennui unbridled, let's talk to kill the time
how many styles did you cycle through before you were mine?
and it's been a while since we went wild and that's all fine
but we're sleepwalking through this trial
and it's really a crime it's really a crime it's really a crime
it's really criminal
We're just busy tempting, like fate's on the nod
running on empty, bourbon and god
it's been a while since we knew the way
and it's been even longer since our plastic priest class
had a goddamned thing to say
I was a lover before this war
Thursday, April 24, 2008
A mural of beautiful women
I had always wished I was in a relationship cohesive enough to be reminded that we had dinner plans with another couple with whom we referred two with both first names as one, as if they were the same person. I liked the split at holidays where the women are in one room and the men are in the other and they make the best out of being there. Occasionally trading legitimate interest with good social diplomacy from event to event depending on the circumstances for the gathering.
There was the function, and while the preparations were being made, the sum of the parts gathered to talk about like interests be it sports or books, or politics.
Just the same I know that, because of what I am inherently, this can’t ever be achieved without monumental discipline. I am against that grain, just as a fish might attempt to walk upon the beach.
No better example serves than the window in my apartment. I thought when I saw it, blind-less and chipping, that I could sit there in the depths of the midnight summer swelter and drink gin out of an old dirty glass I’d used last week and throw balled up pieces of paper at a pile of dirty clothes with bad opening lines that never saw a second because of a vain personal delusion of grandeur. I thought of myself in a loosened tie and an unbuttoned dress shirt, all wild-haired and red-cheeked swooning and screaming at a vision I couldn’t articulate to paper, and lamenting lost women who’ve never given me a second thought save for those astral appropriate times when “who else would you think of.”
I write maybe, because I can never have by a deists’ design a life by which I want, and the talent in all of us is just a manifestation of frustration with some cosmic force we subconsciously decry as cruel. But ours is function, we are still beautiful in our agony and we’re dreamers. Our suicide is a slow and subtle drink by which we channel the muse. We are beautiful painters with a lamentable biography and a can full of words
There was the function, and while the preparations were being made, the sum of the parts gathered to talk about like interests be it sports or books, or politics.
Just the same I know that, because of what I am inherently, this can’t ever be achieved without monumental discipline. I am against that grain, just as a fish might attempt to walk upon the beach.
No better example serves than the window in my apartment. I thought when I saw it, blind-less and chipping, that I could sit there in the depths of the midnight summer swelter and drink gin out of an old dirty glass I’d used last week and throw balled up pieces of paper at a pile of dirty clothes with bad opening lines that never saw a second because of a vain personal delusion of grandeur. I thought of myself in a loosened tie and an unbuttoned dress shirt, all wild-haired and red-cheeked swooning and screaming at a vision I couldn’t articulate to paper, and lamenting lost women who’ve never given me a second thought save for those astral appropriate times when “who else would you think of.”
I write maybe, because I can never have by a deists’ design a life by which I want, and the talent in all of us is just a manifestation of frustration with some cosmic force we subconsciously decry as cruel. But ours is function, we are still beautiful in our agony and we’re dreamers. Our suicide is a slow and subtle drink by which we channel the muse. We are beautiful painters with a lamentable biography and a can full of words
Monday, April 21, 2008
Freedom on the River is two wheels on the bank.
So I bought this vegetable peeler the other day. Everything about the peeler is normal but the handle is what sells it. Instead of some conventional handle, its a bright orange peice of plastic shaped like a monkey with two silver globs of steel for eyes. I bought it at target.
A few weeks ago, when I wasn't quite as single as I currently find myself, a certain paramore and I were going to Target for a can-opener. She saw it and remarked at its "cuteness" but lamented its color.
"I wish they made this in red"
We broke up on the grounds that, amongst other things, I didn't do little things that showed I cared for her, like she did for me. Which isn't the case, I've just been strapped for time, but I've never been strapped for observation. So I rode to target the other day and bought it and a vat of red paint and painted this damned orange monkey twice. 2 coats, and I let it air dry while trying to get the errant bristles of the brush off the body of...work.
Before I could present her with what I'd done, we came to an awkward second ending. Endings happen for valid reasons but its impossible to factor into those endings the lapse of time and the fondness it brings. When we spoke a week later she claimed to "miss me" but still want no contact while I wondered why she'd have contacted me in the first place. A loss of feeling or a growing disinterest are adult things that are logical, reasonable, and fair. There is never an excuse for cruelty, it lacks respect and is everything the word conjures inside of its 5 little letters and occasional adverbs.
I came home that day to the monkey sitting on my desk, paint peeling off due to an open window and a New England Spring that I had not factored into my jaunt into artistry. And for all I should have taken it as a sign, I was still crestfallen, not for love of any other person, but for the knowledge that I'd still be regarded as a thoughtless moron by a small but relevant sect of the populace. it bothers me.
I've been riding a lot lately, if only to gather my thoughts as I ride along the west bound Charles. It made me think of "an occurrence at owl creek bridge" which is this old silent French film about a lifetime in one second during the American revolution where in theres nothing but this man out there on his own, escaping capture, all with orchestra strings and a full view of nature. I love being out there, and even at the height of popularity I need my alone time. But I still fear it. Should I end up trapped there forever, whether my worth will matter, or if I'll be like this vibrant painted gift with no receiver, peeling all the while my meaning is lost and I become a humorous pot shot for the insecure to throw my way.
For now I couldn't imagine what another let down would do to me, and despite my longing to be in another relationship, right now I can't. Riding out there on those spring days along roads with low activity, I always felt like I was flying or sailing or something free. Its a caption and a snapshot, of the wild and liberated, but its a picture, not a life. One of my darkest fears is being remembered but never know.
[I was going to add photos of those free moments and the peeler, but I can't load them...sorry. Their on the way.]
A few weeks ago, when I wasn't quite as single as I currently find myself, a certain paramore and I were going to Target for a can-opener. She saw it and remarked at its "cuteness" but lamented its color.
"I wish they made this in red"
We broke up on the grounds that, amongst other things, I didn't do little things that showed I cared for her, like she did for me. Which isn't the case, I've just been strapped for time, but I've never been strapped for observation. So I rode to target the other day and bought it and a vat of red paint and painted this damned orange monkey twice. 2 coats, and I let it air dry while trying to get the errant bristles of the brush off the body of...work.
Before I could present her with what I'd done, we came to an awkward second ending. Endings happen for valid reasons but its impossible to factor into those endings the lapse of time and the fondness it brings. When we spoke a week later she claimed to "miss me" but still want no contact while I wondered why she'd have contacted me in the first place. A loss of feeling or a growing disinterest are adult things that are logical, reasonable, and fair. There is never an excuse for cruelty, it lacks respect and is everything the word conjures inside of its 5 little letters and occasional adverbs.
I came home that day to the monkey sitting on my desk, paint peeling off due to an open window and a New England Spring that I had not factored into my jaunt into artistry. And for all I should have taken it as a sign, I was still crestfallen, not for love of any other person, but for the knowledge that I'd still be regarded as a thoughtless moron by a small but relevant sect of the populace. it bothers me.
I've been riding a lot lately, if only to gather my thoughts as I ride along the west bound Charles. It made me think of "an occurrence at owl creek bridge" which is this old silent French film about a lifetime in one second during the American revolution where in theres nothing but this man out there on his own, escaping capture, all with orchestra strings and a full view of nature. I love being out there, and even at the height of popularity I need my alone time. But I still fear it. Should I end up trapped there forever, whether my worth will matter, or if I'll be like this vibrant painted gift with no receiver, peeling all the while my meaning is lost and I become a humorous pot shot for the insecure to throw my way.
For now I couldn't imagine what another let down would do to me, and despite my longing to be in another relationship, right now I can't. Riding out there on those spring days along roads with low activity, I always felt like I was flying or sailing or something free. Its a caption and a snapshot, of the wild and liberated, but its a picture, not a life. One of my darkest fears is being remembered but never know.
[I was going to add photos of those free moments and the peeler, but I can't load them...sorry. Their on the way.]
According to most Celebrities...
So Savannah was kind enough to read my birth chart, I'm still not really sure what that is, but heres what it said. I'm hoping to get some feedback on whether you think its correct.
"here's what your birth chart says,...
Sun in Scorpio (how you are inwardly)
Physical energy and courage. Strong passions. Regeneration and improvement. Strong sexual powers.
Weaknesses: He is suspicious, defiant, extremist: he has a vindictive nature. Can turn violent.
Moon in Aquarius (how you project outwardly)
He is sociable, intelligent and lucid. Thanks to great sociability, he has many friends. He is modern, original, inventive, non-conformist and brings new life.
Weaknesses: he is eccentric, with sharp mood swings. Complex love life.
Mercury in Sagittarius (represents communication and logic)
Democrat, philosopher, tolerant, respectful of laws. Likes foreign travel. Believes that everything teaches you something.
Weaknesses: free spirit, that likes adventure and will leap into hazardous and risky affairs.
Venus in Sagittarius (the love and relationship planet)
Open-heartedness, devotion, generosity, charity, altruism. He likes foreigners or he can find love abroad. Has problems with the family or with the society in which he lives. He looks for affection, love far from the family circle or from the native country.
Weaknesses: he loves adventure and risk, and the unforeseen is always to be expected.
Mars in Capricorn (desire for action and physical energy)
He is inflexible, rigid. He is very firm, controls himself, observes and is very watchful. He has a great sense of responsibility.
Weaknesses: he has a vindictive character, is hard and bitter.
Jupiter in Scorpio (expansion and grace)
He is provocative, brusque, offensive. Very pretentious and opinionated, with lots of authority and ambition. Possibility of a large family.
Weaknesses: immoderate sensual appetite. Pretension, disdain, insolence.
Saturn in Libra (contraction and effort)
Recognized for his seriousness, moral qualities. He is respectable, conscientious.
Weaknesses: not open to new ideas.
Uranus in Sagittarius (individual liberty and egoistic liberty)
He is shy, delicate but proud, bold and lively.
Neptune in Sagittarius (transcendental liberty and non egoistic liberty)
Likes long voyages, things foreign, water.
Pluto in Libra (transformations, mutations and elimination)
Brings changes."
"here's what your birth chart says,...
Sun in Scorpio (how you are inwardly)
Physical energy and courage. Strong passions. Regeneration and improvement. Strong sexual powers.
Weaknesses: He is suspicious, defiant, extremist: he has a vindictive nature. Can turn violent.
Moon in Aquarius (how you project outwardly)
He is sociable, intelligent and lucid. Thanks to great sociability, he has many friends. He is modern, original, inventive, non-conformist and brings new life.
Weaknesses: he is eccentric, with sharp mood swings. Complex love life.
Mercury in Sagittarius (represents communication and logic)
Democrat, philosopher, tolerant, respectful of laws. Likes foreign travel. Believes that everything teaches you something.
Weaknesses: free spirit, that likes adventure and will leap into hazardous and risky affairs.
Venus in Sagittarius (the love and relationship planet)
Open-heartedness, devotion, generosity, charity, altruism. He likes foreigners or he can find love abroad. Has problems with the family or with the society in which he lives. He looks for affection, love far from the family circle or from the native country.
Weaknesses: he loves adventure and risk, and the unforeseen is always to be expected.
Mars in Capricorn (desire for action and physical energy)
He is inflexible, rigid. He is very firm, controls himself, observes and is very watchful. He has a great sense of responsibility.
Weaknesses: he has a vindictive character, is hard and bitter.
Jupiter in Scorpio (expansion and grace)
He is provocative, brusque, offensive. Very pretentious and opinionated, with lots of authority and ambition. Possibility of a large family.
Weaknesses: immoderate sensual appetite. Pretension, disdain, insolence.
Saturn in Libra (contraction and effort)
Recognized for his seriousness, moral qualities. He is respectable, conscientious.
Weaknesses: not open to new ideas.
Uranus in Sagittarius (individual liberty and egoistic liberty)
He is shy, delicate but proud, bold and lively.
Neptune in Sagittarius (transcendental liberty and non egoistic liberty)
Likes long voyages, things foreign, water.
Pluto in Libra (transformations, mutations and elimination)
Brings changes."
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Whoa, when the fuck is earth day?
Alright so I havn't been writing anything of substance for awhile now. I think in the coming weeks you'll prefer that because there will be 3 months of whiney schlock. I had my heart destroyed this weekend so its going to be a large amount of self-reflection and quoting terrbile songs. Long story short, I gat 99 problems but a bitch ain't one...anymore. Plan your vacations now.
So i'm here at work on a sunday escaping my problems and I have to make fliers for our earth day event. I want to point something out here I'd never noticed until today. I can find a picture of paitings in the louvre, unmolested and unemcombered by the riggors of intellectual property, but if I google image a fucking tree I get "FREE PHOTO" plastered all over it.
Let me write that again. its a fucking tree, its probably not even your tree but still someone wants credit for shooting a tree they don't own. Free needs to be redefined to not mean Under written by our Marketing team.
Happy Earth Day everyone...
"I was looking for replacement, when the sun burst through the skies, all in a dream, all in a dream..."
So i'm here at work on a sunday escaping my problems and I have to make fliers for our earth day event. I want to point something out here I'd never noticed until today. I can find a picture of paitings in the louvre, unmolested and unemcombered by the riggors of intellectual property, but if I google image a fucking tree I get "FREE PHOTO" plastered all over it.
Let me write that again. its a fucking tree, its probably not even your tree but still someone wants credit for shooting a tree they don't own. Free needs to be redefined to not mean Under written by our Marketing team.
Happy Earth Day everyone...
"I was looking for replacement, when the sun burst through the skies, all in a dream, all in a dream..."
Sunday, April 13, 2008
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