Unmarked Gravestone

Kate's really into her Irish roots. I didn't really know how to take that because I've got a long history of dealing with my "Irish-ness" thats a mixed bag. Primarily, I never flaunt it too heavily for two reasons:

1. When I was a child, maybe 9, I asked my dad what my nationalities were.

"Irish, Spanish, and English"

"Yeah but we're more Irish right?"

I had yet to figure out that what I was wasn't necessarily what my parents were, or in this case specifically what my father was. To call a spade a spade, at 9 I was displaying an ignorance that surfaced as unintentional racism. What I knew of being "Spanish" was kids in separate classrooms who couldn't speak English well, and who I, not knowing any other Spanish people in my classes, wanted to distance myself from. I knew some Irish kids, they were my friends. The Spanish kids were weird, and I wanted nothing to do with them. I can still remember being in the cab of my fathers pick up and hearing the hurt in his voice.

2. The other point is identity-less assholes who find a large population here in Boston and hop on the Irish bandwagon as if it was a conversation piece. Even if it is, people here who wear it on their sleeve and tell you about it through a megaphone know very little about their heritage and it ends up being a conversation something like this...

"you irish?"

"yeah well my mom's 75% ir..."

"Fuck yeah man! me too!"

"...cool"

So for these reason and a few other minor ones, its something I've carried as an issue of pride and pain. Maybe that's the Catholic in me.

But as I've grown up and read more, I've refined who I was and moreover what I was interested in and what I should be proud of. I'll never escape the fact that I've got a name and a face like a pale, paddy fuck. Going home once in 3rd grade I remember a teacher asking if I was Irish. She told me I looked more Irish than Paddy Murphy's pig.

But in the end I'm not Irish, and I never will be. My last name isn't and neither is my father. I'd never really squared with being "American" for much of my life until recently either. For one thing, I'd never really left the country (Montreal sorta counts) and therefore I was always surrounded my other Americans. The other reason is that I always saw people touting their American heritage as a token of elitism. You know the routine. Somehow America was better than other countries because we loved freedom or something like that. I always saw America's praise-singers as people who always tried to make it worse.

But as I've grown up and had my share of debate from each side of the political spectrum, I've realized that both the Left and Right are correct: America is a deeply flawed country with a not so honorable past, and yet we're still the only place I'd ever want to be.

For whatever it is, the horrors of America are why its great. They aren't to be ignored or admonished as the aisles would tell you, but to be embraced as a true and honest heritage that all groups must journey through when they come here. They came for a dream, existed in a nightmare, and their offspring came to be born in the fire that was the United States. I saw a shirt recently that probably didn't intend to be this deep, but it summed up my feelings very succinctly.

I was in Urban Outfitters and I saw this t-shirt with a Notorious B.I.G. picture on it. It was white with a screened on photo of the man as a child, sitting in a folding chair on this fallow patch of dirt somewhere in New York (most likely Brooklyn) and all it said, scrawled over the photo, was "it was all a dream." Lord knows how that was intended but as Ian has told me countless times, authors intent was irrelevant.

I took it as the very thing I've come to experience in my time of growing in America. That this country cares very little for its new groups, and its poor and maligned. For all we compared the Soviet Union to Sparta, and the U.S. to Athens, we're still a very Spartan nation. If America teaches anyone anything its that one must pry not only his wants, but his needs from the death grip of its ruling class. Failure to unify, to move together and dream will only be met with more of the brutal same.

I wrote awhile back in Immigrant Waves about how the current immigration debate mirrors the debates we've had since the country started. I think we should recall the point where our grandfathers came to America in search of gold roads and raining money and found collapsing tenements and an infant mortality rate of nearly 20% for people of their ancestry. But for the Chinese, the Irish, the Italians, the Poles, Jews, and Middle Easterners, the Nation has come to be far more welcoming. Need not Apply Signs, Sacco & Vanzetti, Phrenology, and even Jim Crow are now a memory we've crushed beneath the bootheels of progress on the March.

America dances with a double-edged sword. Our freedom and fear of Tyranny makes anything here possible. That's part of the "it was all a dream" portion of the t-shirt. But in our insistence, we often leaves those who are new to fend for themselves. In some respects, its a hazing ritual that would be barbaric if we were more selective in its application. In others its the realization that the dream is pragmatic, and like so many scholars before us, we realized that a Utopia is not a lack of need but a lack of must. Where options prevail, where freedom is always hunted, progress cannot be stopped. I think when people show up here, and move past the idea that we're the promised land, it becomes everything they ever wanted, if not everything they ever dreamed.

To all our new brothers still chasing the Fairytales of America, I hope that you come to find America everything we've all found here eventually ourselves.

God Bless,
The Brow