To the blogs or whomever

I don't know who left that comment in the last blog, but thanks. Sometimes its good to be reminded that you're appreciated. I put much more stock in comments than I should, but when I get none I feel like I'm writing for no one at all. Its depressing.

I've been too busy, and I've been getting old. Which I like. I don't take heartbreak as badly as I used to, I don't get as amped up for meeting new women like I used to. What I think I'm coming to grips with is the circular nature of life. I once had that very Christian ideology that life was linear and that we're marching toward some ideal of progression. As you can imagine, missteps on that path might give one reason for seizing, overheating stress.

Through subconscious osmosis I've come to grips with certain things: debt is irrelevant and obligatory, and fear of it actually is going to screw you much more.

I once avoided credit cards because of all that folksy wisdom that tells you if you misstep once you're going to be living in section 8 housing with a dead end job and settling for one-night stands with bar flies. Well it won't, and realizing that trying to limit yourself to the point of starvation is gross. I think the problem is I hang around with too many overprotected suburban white women whose fathers mandated that they save exponential amounts of money for that Blizzard of '76-like economic hardship that would strike suddenly, out of the blue, and would surely land you in the shackles of three-jobdom for the rest of your young adult life, releasing you on bail and good behaviour just as you escaped your youthful beautiful years.

It won't. It doesn't. I've stood on the debt, and in fact am standing on the debt of exponential debt, and the only real discomfort is pressing the quiet option on my phone when an unknown number calls me. Bad credit? Well I guess that means you won't let me get into further debt.

Once there was a time where i felt that I was under, I was the victim in the folksy story of bad credit card management and I thought, "why go on with life if thats my fate? if this is all that I have to look forward to?" I spoke to some people and asked what they thought. I asked on-line where if I'd decided to do something rash they'd have no way of finding me, or stopping me. They told me stories I was baffled by...2 filings of bankruptcy, loss of a house. And still these people were on their feet, functioning like anyone else who appeared to be CPA of their own bank account. I'd felt better after that conversation. They didn't know me, and they didn't know what I was thinking, so in a candid and honest response they told me "doesn't matter, money isn't anything to be concerned about."


I've going to quote freddy mercury here, as what will appear to be a non-sequiter but will later have meaning and a germane orientation to this rant. "I've fallen in love, I've fallen in love for the first time and this time I know its for real."

its a contradicting idea to anyone who hasn't felt that emotion. What do you mean "this time" if its the "first time"? Well its the way it goes. And I remember when it happened to me. And the most depressing thing about it, was that she was one of these people who believed the stories. She was governed by fear, marching in a linear fashion and reasoned, through the facts of scaremongering, that things would not work. I was most devastated not because of the loss of love but because I realized that she was trapped beyond my help. That the person I had for once actually felt genuine affection for was not going to make it. Not today anyway. You can't teach people freedom, they have to find it. And until you do you have this untrue understanding of what freedom is. Its just like love. And you can't teach that to anyone either, regardless of how we try.


I read a book by mark stein called "america alone" and in it he accuses the "parent states" of europe of leading everyone around on a leash of government regulation. He claims that in this system, no one is forced to grow up and be an adult because the government acts as a constant parent. I've been trying to wrap my head around this argument because there was some glaring flaw in there that I could feel but I couldn't name. A few days ago I feel as if I've figured it out. The so called parent states of europe are socialist, and for those less politically inclined, that means you get the shit taxed out of you but everything is pretty much taken care of. Any time you hear of places with socialized medicine where in no one pays to go to the hospital, thats socialism. Its apparently paternalistic because the government makes sure everything is set for you "like mommy and daddy."

But its not.See the problem with steins argument is that he associates personal responsibility with adulthood. But everyone at the age of 5 on up is personally responsible for things. Thats well before adulthood. In fact because are more inclined to give adults a break on the assumption that they've already learned there lesson.

Moreover, the saying "its better to give than receive"...kids don't get that. Its an adult thing. And more to the point, so is seeing things in a longview, like the good of society. The ideology that "i'm ok so who cares what you do" is like a child with the joystick. I'm playing so every things fine. The problems here are multifaceted and in multitude. That is to say, societies that aren't upheld are generally not worth living in. You can be a billionaire. it still sucks to live in Sudan. Or Algeria. Or Mississippi.

I didn't mean for it to tie together under this maxim but fear is leading society into godless ruin. And I'm not suggesting that people who don't use credit cards and save their money are turning America into the third world, I am saying that the fear of a lack of liberation seems to be shackling us tighter to the wall in Socrates's cave, and those who are saving and worrying for "someday" might do well to worry more about what happens when "someday" never comes.
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in a completely unrelated note, I rejoined the myspace-a-verse but if people are reading here I don't think i'll follow through. Still if you'd like to see me in all my sexy clean shaven glory give me a shot, the tail address is justanotherraindog. Hoepfully I'll see you there, or here or whever. And to whoever left that message, thanks again. It means a lot to a deadbeat writer that people still care.