a rapidly expanding universe

I'm not sure where I'm going in many aspects of my life, and therefore its almost impossible for me to know if I'm in the right place currently, doing the right things, or moving at the right speed.

I'd like to believe I fight as hard and, for better or worse, fairly ruthlessly in all aspects of whatever it is I'm doing, but I've got quite some time on my hands when I ride the bus home at night, staring out the windows to avoid eye contact with the disgruntled white-collars and out into that day-light savings time darkness that still seems too early to me.

I'm running down a few paths right now. School this spring (1 econ class but whatever), i'm still taking the MTEL's, and I'd really like to get a few certs in some tech crap that sounds nice on resumes. Another political season has come to a close (my candidate lost so I'm 1 and 1 now) but the big run up to 2010 is all but here. Time to go scout that field again.

I guess I'm writing to say I'm lost and by this paragraph I assumed I'd find something out but I didn't. I'm half thinking it might be a good idea to just roll the dice, start from scratch and call it a life. Too much of what I'm doing now is because I believe I'm on track to all the success I've always wanted.

I don't want to take up this pie-in-the-sky ideology as if I was cast in American Beauty, but maybe i'd be happier being myself again. Maybe I'm still pretending I'm not home whenever the idea of loneliness comes knocking.

I don't generally quote Billy Joel, but I think I need to forget about life for awhile.